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Blogs


Thursday, December 11, 2008 - 1:34 am (EST)
By Chase

Too many months of electioneering and politics burned a lot of people out.  Take a break from Chicago corruption scandals and auto bailouts by entertaining yourself with these blogs:

HIPSTER RUNOFF is an entertaining, annoying, funny, childish, and downright weird blog about modern “hipster” culture.  It can be tough to decipher where the author’s real interest ends and the joke begins.  While I’d like to imagine the entire thing is tongue-in-cheek, he seems to know too much about modern hipster culture to not be somehow involved.

BASTARD SQUAD BLOG’s random collection of pictures and youtube videos is as visually stimulating as it is funny.  And they’re obsessed with bacon.

This time of year MLB TRADE RUMORS is a must, unless you’re not a fan of driving yourself crazy second-guessing the GM of your favorite team.

YOU THOUGHT WE WOULDN’T NOTICE calls out graphic-design thieves worldwide.

TAGS: bacon, graphic design, Hipster, Hipsters, MLB

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News Poem


Friday, August 15, 2008 - 4:42 pm (EST)
By Ray LeMoine

I took one phrase from each paragraph of The Independent UK’s ground breaking study on the global urban hipster and created this inspiring poem.

MacBook
Williamsburg
Style anthropologist and author of Streetstyle: From Sidewalk to Catwalk
Rough Trade
local scooter dealership
American Apperal
Dov
repackaging it and selling it
Japanese clothing giant
he recently told Creative Review, was “the ultra-contemporary cool aspect of Japan, its pop culture rather than something traditional and Japanese-y.”
a shabby-chic pub where Vice magazine, style bible to the global scenester, hosts regular parties.
Belgian producers can make a Kylie Minogue song sound like The Prodigy (as did Soulwax);
“dork” glasses,
Julian Casablancas’s vocal persona
Ian Curtis; the French version
Now, the Vice empire includes a clothing chain, a record label and an online TV channel.
guns, sex, drug-taking, blood
Terry Richardson
Cheap digital cameras and the internet popularised that
a satire of scenester life aired on Channel 4
The keffiyeh, once a signifier of solidarity with Palestine, now signifies nothing but cool.
Co-founder of The Future Laboratory, a trend forecasting company
global scenester stays on top of what’s cool worldwide by reading such urban culture despatches as The Cool Hunter
The Vice weekly e-mailout, with images from the global scene, and listings for Vice events in each city, is not unique. Le Cool
We’re The Economist
Flavorpill’s weekly fashion
a product of punk, a product of straight edge
sold out in Berlin

TAGS: Hipster, Review, Trade, Vice Magazine, williamsburg

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UK Discovers Hipsters, AD 2008


Thursday, August 14, 2008 - 5:34 pm (EST)
By Ray LeMoine

No pictures needed. I’ve highlighted key findings in this dispatch from The Independent UK:

The bewildered boy clutches his fruit salad and searches for a seat at the back of the bar. He’s wearing a vintage flannel shirt and skinny jeans, a pair of pointed brogues and pink plastic-framed sunglasses. His hair is a peroxide crop in the androgynous, Agyness Deyn style. This hipper-than-thou hangout in the Truman Brewery on London’s Brick Lane, with its indistinct electronic soundtrack, is a popular spot. Emos, nu-folkies and post-post-punks mingle on Moroccan-style cushions. A guy in a ripped white V-neck T-shirt is stretched out on the leather couch in the corner, his face lit by the pale glow from his MacBook. For an aspiring scenester like the boy in the flannel shirt, standing out from the crowd is going to be a struggle.

We’re in the crucible of London cool, a district so packed with poseurs that it attracts as many satirists as it does followers of fashion. But forget any tired talk simply of Shoreditch twats and Brooklyn hipsters. Across the developed world, from Copenhagen to Cape Town, from Tokyo to Sao Paolo, from Kreuzberg to Williamsburg – from Grangemouth to Guildford, for that matter – today’s scenesters all wear the same clothes and accessories, listen to the same sounds, ride the same bicycles, and read the same magazines, e-mailouts and style blogs.

“There always used to be a particular city that was the centre of cool at a particular point in time,” says Ted Polhemus, style anthropologist and author of Streetstyle: From Sidewalk to Catwalk. “But now there’s no longer a place where it’s ‘at’; there’s no longer any centre of the world’s popular cultural universe. For a time it seemed it would be a simple matter of shifting from London to Tokyo. But instead, street style is everywhere and in places you’d never have guessed it would be.”

The Truman Brewery is a microcosm of an international phenomenon. Across the alley from the bar, Rough Trade East – London’s coolest independent record store – is celebrating its first birthday with a limited edition run of Rough Trade-branded Converse All Stars, the global scenester’s shoe of choice. Next door, there’s a hairdresser cutting the “do” of the day, its clients reclining in Japanese Belmont Cadilla styling chairs “for ultra-comfort and design”.

There’s the local scooter dealership with a rank of Mod-ish Italian Vespas lined up on the pavement outside. And at the end of the row is a clothing store that specialises in stitching together two old pieces of clothing to make something new. Want your pinstripe suit grafted to a hoodie? This is the place for you. And this is what global scenester culture has come to in the Noughties – a succession of styles from the past half-century, patched together to form a single, strangely familiar whole. There’s a bit of Eurotrash here, some British punk there, a swatch of Asian minimalism, and a sizeable off-cut of blue-collar chic from both sides of the Atlantic. So how, exactly, did hip get globalised?

Like every other American Apparel clothing store worldwide, the East End branch – a stone’s throw from the Truman Brewery – stocks Spandex hotpants and sequined tube dresses, white Eighties gym socks and DayGlo sports sweats, maroon corduroys worthy of Woodstock, even the latest album by French electro-auteur Sébastien Tellier. The shop is so popular it’s moving to bigger premises.

American Apparel is an archetype for the globalisation of “cool”. The retail chain was founded in California in 1997 with an outsider ethic. Most of its clothes are produced in an 800,000-square foot factory in Los Angeles, and its Canadian founder, Dov Charney, actively associates his brand with the city’s multicultural melting pot.

Today, American Apparel is the largest domestic clothing manufacturer in the US, and boasts around 200 stores worldwide – in Canada, Mexico, Israel, Japan, Korea and most of Western Europe. There are outlets in Glasgow, Brighton and Liverpool, and the locations of its London branches read like a historical tour of capital cool: Portobello Road, Carnaby Street, Covent Garden, Camden. The further its global reach stretches, the more easily the company can study and copy street style, before repackaging it and selling it back to the originators of that style, with an American Apparel label attached.

Uniqlo, the Japanese clothing giant, is another outfitter of the global scenester. Until 2004, the chain was known as a cheap and nasty Asian C&A equivalent. Its first move into the UK, in the early Noughties, met with little success. So Uniqlo executives went back to the drawing board and hired top creative director Kashiwa Sato to transform its fortunes.

Sato’s strategy was to make Uniqlo a global brand, but one unafraid of flaunting its modern Japanese origins. Now the company’s website is world class, its store interiors sleek and minimalist, its global logo (in both Roman and Japanese script) ubiquitous, and its clothing cutting edge and inclusive. Today, Uniqlo has almost 800 stores worldwide, including outlets in the UK, US and France. What Sato was looking to replicate, he recently told Creative Review, was “the ultra-contemporary cool aspect of Japan, its pop culture rather than something traditional and Japanese-y.” He’d tapped into the global scene.

Down the street from American Apparel, past the London College of Fashion, is The Old Blue Last, a shabby-chic pub where Vice magazine, style bible to the global scenester, hosts regular parties. Outside, a blackboard advertises “fuzzed garage, punk, post-punk, freakbeat and more in an anything goes night of really GOOD music”.

Once, style tribes defined themselves by their music. There were disco divas, electro heads, hippy West Coast rockers…. But in the age of the MP3, anything really does go: Parisian lounge jazz bands can cover the Ramones (as did Nouvelle Vague); Belgian producers can make a Kylie Minogue song sound like The Prodigy (as did Soulwax); and DJs can drop The White Stripes into a hip-hop set – Mark Ronson made his name on the New York club circuit doing just that.

Today’s music scene is a global swapshop. One of the coming bands of this year, for instance, are Johannesburg’s Blk Jks, whose style choices include the global scenester’s familiar Elvis Costello “dork” glasses, 1970s ski vests, vintage Nikes and, yes, skinny jeans.

The band that defined the US branch of the global scene was The Strokes, a quintet of monied Manhattanites posing as Lower East Side hipsters. Lead singer Julian Casablancas’s vocal persona is insouciant, unimpressed, too cool to try harder. His latest project is the song “My Drive Thru”, commissioned for a Converse advertisement; the ad is the centrepiece of Converse Century, a celebration of the company’s first 100 years, and a smart marketing campaign that condenses decades of global youth subculture and rebrands it for the mainstream.

The print element of the Converse Century campaign features a row of international, intergenerational scenesters, each wearing their pair of Chuck Taylor All Star trainers – among them are Hunter S Thompson, James Dean and Sid Vicious. The UK version of the print ad features Joy Division’s Ian Curtis; the French version, actress and singer Jane Birkin; the Chinese version, singer-songwriter Cui Jian. Converse means cool in more than 20 languages.

When the first edition of the glossy freesheet Vice came out in Montreal in 1994, its founders could hardly have believed that, 14 years on, it would be sought out by 900,000 readers on five continents. Now, the Vice empire includes a clothing chain, a record label and an online TV channel.

The Vice aesthetic has had an abiding influence on global scenester style. The magazine’s photographers popularised a street-verité photographic vernacular, with touches of soft porn and a sense of menace. The Vice Photo Book, a collection published earlier this year, boasts images of guns, sex, drug-taking, blood and vomit.

It’s no coincidence that American Apparel’s often controversial advertising campaigns imitate the Vice look, nor that Vice photographer Terry Richardson is the principal photographer for Uniqlo’s in-house magazine, Paper. His style has countless amateur copycats worldwide, whose photos have found a home on fast-growing photo-sharing websites such as Flickr and MySpace. Snapping away at a party in Portland, Oregon, or in Harajuku, Tokyo, a global scenester can disseminate their local style worldwide before sunrise.

“People like Ryan McGinley and Terry Richardson just took pictures of their friends on basic cameras,” explains Andy Capper, the UK editor of Vice. “American Apparel and Uniqlo are doing what Vice did, which is to stop using expensive models and Photoshop. They use point-and-shoot photography, which is more honest and exciting. Cheap digital cameras and the internet popularised that.

Outside a bar in Shoreditch, near the Vice offices, there’s a guy handing out flyers for a club night called Shoreditch is Shit: The Worst Night of Your Life. On the flipside are instructions for how to play “cock, muff, bumhole”, the variation on paper, scissors, stone created for Nathan Barley, a satire of scenester life aired on Channel 4. Making fun of the global scenesters is futile, for they love nothing more than to mock themselves. Everything a scenester does is rendered in air quotes: ironic moustaches, ironic trucker caps, faux-offensive Urban Outfitters T-shirts, white guys with afros, or musical acts with names like Does It Offend You, Yeah?

Nathan Barley himself ran a scenester website – or “urban culture despatch” – called Trashbat.co.ck, and the internet has been a key factor in the globalisation of hip. Through mailouts and blogs, the tropes of eclectic style tribes the world over are quickly integrated into a single street style. The keffiyeh, once a signifier of solidarity with Palestine, now signifies nothing but cool. The fixed-wheel bike is now the global scenester’s favourite ride. China’s cheap Holga camera, once a well-kept secret among professional photographers hoping to achieve that lo-fi look, is now an essential urban accessory, and the results of its use are plastered all over Flickr. Albert Hammond Jr, The Strokes’ guitarist and boyfriend of Agyness Deyn, had one hanging round his neck at the T4 on the Beach party.

“Trends aren’t transmitted hierarchically, as they used to be,” explains Martin Raymond, co-founder of The Future Laboratory, a trend forecasting company. “They’re now transmitted laterally and collaboratively via the internet. You once had a series of gatekeepers in the adoption of a trend: the innovator, the early adopter, the late adopter, the early mainstream, the late mainstream, and finally the conservative. But now it goes straight from the innovator to the mainstream.”

The global scenester stays on top of what’s cool worldwide by reading such urban culture despatches as The Cool Hunter, a blog begun in Sydney four years ago by Bill Tikos, which reports on the hippest fashion, furniture, and design culture. The Cool Hunter has more than 600,000 unique visitors per month, who pore over the contents of its licensed offshoots in the US, UK, Turkey, Italy, China, and Japan. Its global audience allows Tikos to homogenise cool worldwide.

The Vice weekly e-mailout, with images from the global scene, and listings for Vice events in each city, is not unique. Le Cool, also emailed, calls itself “a free weekly cultural agenda and alternative city guide” for European capitals. Flavorpill does the same job for London and the US. It also makes sure scenesters are on the same page with weekly music, art, fashion, and literary mailouts, and Activate: “world news filtered by flavorpill”.

Not even geopolitics is beyond the boundaries of cool for a global scenester: there’s a vague pro-organic, anti-Bush sentiment uniting them all. For more precise examples, look at American Apparel’s pro-immigration political activities, or Vice’s “Iraq Issue” of 2004, which covered the conflict from a new, Vice-centric angle – following, for instance, the travails of an Iraqi heavy metal band. The magazine’s pet topics may be controversial, but they aren’t self-regarding.

“We’re more of a news magazine than a fashion magazine,” says Capper. “Even if we’re writing about a band we try to put some social context in it. We’re The Economist meets Rolling Stone – but back when Rolling Stone was good.”

In the 7 August edition of the JC Report, Flavorpill’s weekly fashion mailout, Erin Magner reported on ‘The Death of Trends’ on the catwalk. “In 2008, the only prevailing trend is that there are no prevailing trends,” she wrote. “It’s not just designers who are contributing to the end of boldface trends … consumers, too, are rejecting the commandments of the editorial elite, taking inspiration from peers around the world to craft their own interpretations of style. Rather than buy into one trend from head-to-toe, like the ‘preppy’ or ‘punk’ movements of decades past, consumers are appropriating eclectic influences and remixing them like a DJ does with music.”

“Fashion is a borrowed medium,” says Martin Raymond. “It’s pick-and-mix, it’s retroactive and it’s nostalgic. So you get a chronological misfit of products and references, mashed together to create something completely different. Think about nu-rave: it’s a product of Eighties romanticism, a product of punk, a product of straight edge and of old rave. The growth in cool-hunting websites and businesses has led to the decay of the traditional time scheme between an emerging group doing something, and it being spotted, embraced and codified. It used to be a year, then it was six months. Now it’s about six days. We have 3,500 trend-spotters stationed around the world. I sit down with them four times a year, and we’ll find that the same trend has cropped up in about 25 different cities.”

As this “borrowing and referencing” takes place not in capitals of cool like London but on an international scale, via the internet, the result is that same brand of individuality is sold, worn and celebrated the world over, simultaneously. If a global scenester starts wearing their underpants around their neck in Sao Paolo tomorrow, by next week boxer shorts would be sold out in Berlin. Ted Polhemus explains, “If you Google ’street style’, you can see street fashion photography from all over the world. What’s interesting is not just the images from London or Tokyo, but those from places like Helsinki, Zagreb, Mexico City, Jakarta, even Tehran. People always ask me, ‘What’s the next big thing?’ but there will never again be a next big thing. The future of fashion is that all of these places will participate. There will never ever again be one ‘the place’.”

TAGS: Brooklyn, converse, france, free, Hipster, Hipsters, immigration, Iraq, Manhattan, model, mp3, Music, NATO, New York, paris, Photoshop, political, Politics, Race, Review, Soundtrack, Sports, t-shirts, The Strokes, Trade, Vice Magazine, williamsburg

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The Hipster Economy - A Stroke of Genius


Wednesday, August 6, 2008 - 10:50 am (EST)
By Anthony Pappalardo


Last week I chose the side of Hipsters in their heavyweight bout vs. the razor sharp minds at Adbusters. Adbusters’ corny article gave me no choice, as someone pointed out, their argument was the equivalent of the neighborhood fogey yelling “Hey you darned kids, get off my lawn!” I’ve been accused of being a Hipster sympathizer, and even an actual Hipster (who gives a shit). But what every Hipster hating mind continues to refuse to acknowledge is how important this type of humanoid is to our economy.

Since 2001 we’ve been in and out of recession and we now prepare for the big one. While the eco-friendly parents were churning out babies and purchasing homes they now can’t afford, Hipsters have steadily been pumping money into the economy at cocaine-tongued rate. Basically if you are against Hipsters, you’re against America. With their tight pants, tank-tops, irony and blow, Hipsters have kept America afloat and all these kids get in return is grief: it’s unfair, not to mention un-American.

Let’s turn the clock back to the confusing days after September the 11th, 2001. While a cloud of human dust was hovering over the center of cool known as New York City, Muhammad Ali was on our televisions screens shadowboxing terrorists to show us that all Muslims don’t want to crash machinery into our financial centers. Washed up rock bands dragged their leathery carcasses around to lift morale. The Yankees lost the World Series but showed us how brave millionaires could be by going and doing their job of playing baseball.

Then, from the ashes came a pied-piper jangle that was so infectious, so hypnotic that the pulsing down-strokes transcended simple guitar chords. This strumming syncopated intro to the Strokes’ Last Night ushered in a new America, the “clang clang clang” sounding more like “buy buy buy buy buy….rise rise rise” and like that American Swagger, and Cool was reborn. The Strokes of course were already big in the UK and were a buzz band in New York City but they weren’t on regular FM America’s radar yet and god bless the Strokes –they were far from fucking cool but it worked. Steve Lowenthal, editor of New York based Swingset Magazine tells of the exact moment in New York City, “Everyone was confused, depressed and looking for an escape, suddenly all of America was exposed to this band that was an instant nostalgia trip, they gave everyone that taste of Old New York they wanted. Shit totally made sense to me.”

In addition to running Swingset Magazine, an independent publication he started from the ground up, Lowenthal’s experience working for New York based company Cornerstone Promotion exposed him to the other side of the coin: “Coming from working at Cornerstone Promotion its funny to see the hipster become literally ‘The Target’. Cool as an idea is a brand, genre is almost irrelevant. And that comes from the sixties itself! All of that complaining comes from the older generation, they sowed the seeds and act like they can’t understand just cause everything is now digital. ‘Hipster, Hippie, Punk,Beatnik’ it’s all the same thing. Except the others pretended to be about some political/social manifesto that could never be true. And they blame the younger people from learning from their mistakes. The hipster represents the platonic ideal of youth. Thats why advertisers buy it all up, because its the ideal“.

Being on a major label, the Strokes were manufactured cool. They were strumming, posturing and waving the flag. And the Inside 9/11 folks should run with this one, everyone wants to say how fake the Strokes were, now you can link them to a government conspiracy to stimulate the economy, maybe they were an amazing swindle. Their uniform of classic American staples like Chuck Taylors, and Levis (above and below the waistline) began to fly off the shelves. Simultaneously, new bands were getting signed, and the clothing line American Apparel launched, despite being run by a creepy-porno Canadian and running perverse ads of fat chicks. And most importantly, the good old American Drug trade was through the roof. Doctor Dre’s masterpiece, The Chronic brought weed culture back onto America’s radar in the early 1990s and it continued to snowball. Pot was perfect for paranoid hermits and college dorm dwelling conspiracy theorists. For the rest of us who needed a little courage to brave the city streets, a knight in shining armor appeared, a white knight (everyone knows only good things come in white). Cocaine was more important to have on your person than Metrocards, a wallet or a condom. Lower Manhattan was shredded by planes for fuck’s sake, who cares where your dick is going, just make sure you’re having the “best fucking time ever” while you’re doing it. Best of all, drugs are usually purchased in fifty dollar increments. Drug dealers don’t really have “change” so you’re either taking out more money, buying a bottle of water or gum to make change since our ATMs only like twenty dollar bills or just buying double the amount of blow. The Bush Administration introduced more new currency than any other administration because they know it’s a way to smoke drug dealers out of their holes. You’re welcome to hold onto your old twenties but good luck paying for anything consistently with a stack of them when everyone else has big heads. So when the new bills came out, drug dealers spend knots to get rid of their old bills. Classic.
Lastly, Adbusters was right about something very important. In the early 2000s this new culture was ripe for marketing and a culture built on cool means that they are always looking for the next thing. They’re a fickle bunch ready to jump ship and make new allegiances. Marketing to these people is half the reason why there are condos lining every inch of Williamsburg, Brooklyn. Youth needs to be sold by the youth, by the budding designers, cool companies, hot bands and hotter chicks. My mom can’t make a website or use an iPod, she doesn’t drink Sparks or hang out anywhere cool. With the internet growing and becoming the most common way to get information in the late 90s into the 2000s the old guard got older. The 35 year old graphic designer in 1997 might as well have been 75. They didn’t grow up with personal computers, the internet, and chances are they weren’t savvy in web-design. Everyone wanted a piece of cool and for the first time cool was handed over completely to young people. Skateboardering, Punk Rock, Graffiti, Street Art, Fashion, Sneaker Culture all shared one thread before the Tony Hawk Video Game / Jackass Boom, they survived on their own. The people involved with these cultures knew that keeping them going meant high and low periods and that any booms in the cultures were probably temporary. Sure you’d occasionally see a McNugget riding a skateboard or some commercial with Fred Flintstone rapping but that didn’t spark “cool kids” to go eat at McDonalds or buy Fruity Pebbles. These cultures were no longer “underground” they were just running on a different parallel track to the mainstream and many of the key players were good at it. The designers, shop owners, brand managers, marketers were all under or just barely thirty and they had cred. These people were eager to take checks from anyone from Nike to Red Bull and take the next step. There’s no sentiment of “selling out” it was just time for that money to be channeled to the young because the old guard was helpless. It caused a shift in culture, it made everything sickly fucking cool but don’t be pissed off at Hipsters, they saved your country and your fucking job.

TAGS: Adbusters, Cocaine, economy, Hipster, The Strokes

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Fuck Mars, New Breed of Human Discovered: HIPSTERS


Friday, August 1, 2008 - 1:18 pm (EST)
By Anthony Pappalardo

Adbuster’s Douglas Haddow has spoken! He’s unleashed a “scathing” review of the offensive, apathetic, materialistic, slacker generation dubbed “hipsters”. Cue up the Bob Dylan record because Doug is going to show you all how they used to do it in the underground when it meant something. I tried to send a letter to Doug but apparently the US Postal Service doesn’t deliver mail under rocks so I’ll just blog about it and be true to the “hipster manifesto”.

A brief summary: There is this new culture that sprung up recently that Douglas discovered by being kind of wired into the underground scene. He discovered that America’s bored youth have united and formed a new subculture, the members are called Hipsters. These kids are materialistic, egotistical, shun their wealth (I guess he looked at everyone’s tax returns to see what they were making before writing the article) and are into clothes and sex. Before reading the article I thought that was just the description of a teenager / twenty something American but after digesting this expose I realized the subtle nuances that create the hipster. Tight clothes, fake glasses, ironic gear and a need to party. These things have never come together before in culture, especially on such a powerful level. And check this out, these kids are so out of it on the cocaine that they don’t notice that they are being TOTALLY manipulated by the big evil corporations that just wanna sell stuff and make money.

Folks, this is a must read it’s scary, like how did this happen? Can Adbusters stop this? How do we protect ourselves and most importantly  what is a hipster and how do I know if I am one?

Doug’s no-holds-barred critique of these hipster zombies is punctuated by this battle cry, I can’t help but get a bit misty as I read it, I’m hoping Doug doesn’t just abandon us after blowing the lid off this subculture that is eroding the soil of the USA :

We are a lost generation, desperately clinging to anything that feels real, but too afraid to become it ourselves. We are a defeated generation, resigned to the hypocrisy of those before us, who once sang songs of rebellion and now sell them back to us. We are the last generation, a culmination of all previous things, destroyed by the vapidity that surrounds us. The hipster represents the end of Western civilization – a culture so detached and disconnected that it has stopped giving birth to anything new.

Aside from being several years too late on this Douglas is right that our culture as a whole has stopped giving birth to anything new and that’s not really that big of a deal. At some point doing new shit isn’t really that cool. Remember “funk-metal” , that was something new. Writing isn’t really that new, shunning corporations isn’t new either. Complaining about kids isn’t new either in fact all it really does is show your age or show that you’re totally fucking boring. Even using the word hipster is cringe-worthy. When someone I know says it I get the douche chills as if they were taking out a Barack The Vote or Everyone Loves a Jewish Boy shirt from an Urban Outfitters bag asking for my approval :

Gavin McInnes, one of the founders of Vice, who recently left the magazine, is considered to be one of hipsterdom’s primary architects. But, in contrast to the majority of concerned media-types, McInnes, whose “Dos and Don’ts” commentary defined the rules of hipster fashion for over a decade, is more critical of those doing the criticizing.

“I’ve always found that word [“hipster”] is used with such disdain, like it’s always used by chubby bloggers who aren’t getting laid anymore and are bored, and they’re just so mad at these young kids for going out and getting wasted and having fun and being fashionable,” he says. “I’m dubious of these hypotheses because they always smell of an agenda.”

That pretty much sums it up. Hipsters are good for the economy. It was a big deal when I was a kid to buy Air Jordans, now every kid has several pairs of sneakers, $150.00+ jeans, Mac Laptops, iPhones, what is the big picture really and who gives a shit? American means bigger and better, Hipsters are actually just patriots. Is this article telling me that kids are mindless consumers? No shit. Isn’t that the premise of Adbusters? Letting us know how totally dumb we are for letting Nike exist and how we should have a cobbler make our shoes from locally farmed cows where every inch of their corpse is used for something productive?

Hipsters or whatever the fuck dudes who wear v-necks and drink shitty beer are called are the first new culture to emerge since we all thought our computers would freeze on Y2K because someone forgot it wasn’t going to be the 19something forever. Most kids have now grown up having some type of web-profile their whole lives at this point. A kid into music can find the records you had to scour the earth for on mp3 in 30 seconds, they can digest a million things at once. If you wire a social networking site profile up to a doll Weird Science style a hipster comes out. There’s nothing wrong with that, it’s just the way the world is now. Unfortunately the humans who remember “what it used to be like” are jealous that they missed the boat. They spent their youth Lloyd Dobblering to get the attention of chicks hoping to have them touch their pee-pees , pretending to care about women’s “real feelings” and being sensitive and shit. They could have put up Barry Bonds numbers with the internet helping them get laid, that shit is steroids. Yup, this sounds like the old timer in the broadcast booth who got paid a total of 2 million dollars in his whole career bitching about today’s primadonnas. This is the asshole trying to convince me that Frank Sinatra was the definition of class and that I should take my hat off indoors.

The bigger problem is that we are in love with nostalgia, even Douglas, he’s yearning for that revolutionary spirit that gripped our forefathers and gave us subversive art like soup cans and something to believe in. It’s so tedious reading shit like this. Maybe everyone who isn’t washing organic cotton diapers right now just doesn’t give a fuck and is cool with that. If some people medicate themselves with Sparks and expensive denim who gives a fuck? I don’t listen to the radio to be inspired, I don’t want what I see everyday to resonate with me, I don’t want to live in a culture so motivated that we’re are all forward thinking radicals changing the world. I’m completely happy searching out what I want and tuning out the rest, it’s not that big of a deal really. Sure our homes are heated inefficiently, we waste a lot of shit, pop music suxxxxxx and politics are fucked up. I can’t believe I wasted my time reading a someone’s 10th Grade Social Studies assignment masked as an “article” by and adult about culture.

This article reads like a fucking Mad Lib. Plug in any “youth culture” and you have an article on current metal, hip-hop, skateboarding, graffiti. It’s all the same shit, kids communicate with their clothes. No matter what the “morals” behind the costume, people and kids specifically dress a certain way to project something hoping someone else picks up on their signal, provided it’s the right person. This even true of the anti-fashion person, same shit. Don’t try to tell me that the Punk movement or any movement had a different agenda. Once something rises to the surface it means that enough douches have latched onto it and watered it down to make it on other douche’s radars that’s all.

Puke.

TAGS: A-Rod, Adbusters, Hipster, Hipsters, Manny Ramirez, Vice Magazine

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1-2-3-4 Your Kids Are a Fucking Bore


Wednesday, July 16, 2008 - 11:26 am (EST)
By Anthony Pappalardo
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Aww how cute Ms. Feist was on Sesame Street to share her death chant with all the earth’s annoying little children. The Pixar loving little shits that ruin my brunch by spazzing around and throwing shit while their passive aggro parents have a defeated look on their faces and just sigh. Said parents might even mumble and inaudible “Don’t do that Belle” or “Sebastian please sit down” but the indie-babies / children don’t give a fuck, from the moment they dawned a Motorhead onesie they knew they had the upperhand.

I don’t like children, specifically your children. The ones that crash into me while I’m on a mission to buy alcohol, records or clothes. The ones wizzing by with a cocky smirk spinning the wheels of their fucking Heelys. The one’s who have parents that just pretend you aren’t there rather than reprimanding their children or apologizing for them.

If you have a child and make me interact with it I’ll be polite. I might even enjoy it in small does but if I am trying to go about my adult or semi-adult life and have to be around throngs of children after I’ve tried so hard to hide from them (I can count the minutes I’ve spent in Park Slope BKLYN) I am going to start taking action. The cute stories and pictures you share with me about your child are actually amusing, I like cute things but they have a shelf life. My cell phone is actually a digital tribute to the wacky hi-jinx my cat Raleigh gets into. He sleeps on top of the oven, he poses for pictures, has a piercing meow which is captured on video and he’s cute. The difference is that since he’s a cat it’s all he’ll ever do. When he does something remotely smart it’s always entertaining because he’s a fucking cat, he’s stupid as shit, he’s not going to grow up, learn how to talk and become a politician. I don’t need to see every shitty thing your sucky kid does because at some point you’ll hate that kid and not want to show me shit about them. You aren’t going to show me a picture of the bong in their dorm or the chick they had Bud Light Sex with but I will never tire of my cat, he’s a perpetual kitten. He’ll be talking to me in Siamese when you’re bailing Britt out of jail for possession.

Your children are cute and funny but they don’t need to be little versions of you. They don’t need to wear Ramones shirts, your babies and little adults don’t even like the fucking Ramones. If they are such Ramones fans can they even name the members, hint they are on the fucking shirt…whoops they can’t read. They are reacting to noise, they would do the fucking baby dance (see video then continue) to Skrewdriver, GG Allin or Raffi and they should be doing it to Raffi.

Children shouldn’t be cool. The only tattooed arms pushing strollers should be owned by Bikers not Graphic Designers. They should be breaking shit in the woods not in a hipster park where dudes have hangovers or just shot Ron. They should be named after Michael Jordan not Conor Oberst, they should be wearing Sponge Bob the Builder gear not Baby BAPE and BABY/DC shirts. If you try to make your children cool you have a big surprise coming. These kids are used to not being scolded, not respecting anything and having semi-business hippie post-hipster green parents. Bingo dipshit, picture American Psycho crossed with Alex P Keaton on the best cocaine money can buy and that is who is going to push you around in a carriage, I mean wheelchair long after your Wilco CDRs have stopped spinning.

Lastly, if you’re going to bring your child to a musical event cover his or her fucking ears. There are ear plugs made specifically for your shitty kid. It sucks watching your kid baby mosh to music but at least ensure they won’t have hearing loss before they can tie their shoes. Maybe these kids don’t listen because your dumb ass made them deaf with a steady diet of Arcade Fire while you changed their shitty diapers and loud free outdoor concerts. If you are somewhere that the baby mosh/dance is happening you have to access the situation quickly and react.

Are you in the wrong place or is the baby in the wrong place?

Example  - Baby spotted dancing at My Morning Jacket show while you and your bud pull out a device used for smoking marijuana.

Verdict : What did you expect you fucking indie hippie? Go somewhere away from the baby get high and shame on you for being at the concert in the first place you deserve to be there. Your second option is to leave the venue and leave that life behind, in this case you are getting your head right and I owe you a beer.

Example - Baby doing the baby mosh in a club to High on Fire with Nigel Hipster Parents.

Verdict : You are legally* allowed to put a cigarette out on the father’s forehead and douse the wound out with PBR. You should get security and have the baby taken into child custody. High on Fire are boring and not good anymore but you did nothing wrong other than liking Sleep and trying to pretend HOF are “pretty damn good!”.

*This is only legal by my rules which the United States doesn’t recognize as actual law.

TAGS: Babies, Hipster, iPod

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The Box Wars: Next Level Haters


Thursday, April 24, 2008 - 11:32 am (EST)
By Ray LeMoine

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A flyer war is being waged against The Box doorman

So my post the other day about a Page Six Magazine Box feature being bullshit has been picked up at Down By The Hipster, a nightlife blog.

THURSDAY, APRIL 24, 2008
Fans of the Box Fight Back
So what happens when your favorite night spot gets slammed with a bit of negative press? Take the offensive. Ray LeMoine decries Joshua David Stein’s article from Page Six Mag, calling it a sham from the very start. LeMoine begins by saying, “I don’t know if they have fact checkers at the NY Post’s Page Six Mag, but yesterday a story ran about The Box where the first sentence was a lie.” As for the belief that the club may be slipping, LeMoine is adamant that the opposite is true, stating:

“In truth, The Box is actually better now than a year ago. The owners have put together a more fluid show, one without boring filler acts. And the crowd is more downtown than a year ago. After Box-owner Cordell Lochin was locked up for drug trafficking, Serge Becker, another owner, hired Christian Alexander. Christian lives in the LES and is tied to downtown’s art, music, fashion, and media circles more than anyone who’s ever worked at the Box save Hammerstein. Lochin was known for his celeb-ties, whereas Christian is the guy celebs come to for a unique egalitarin NYC vibe. Now on any given night you’ll see a Supreme-type with a bartender from a local spot hanging with Ally Hilfiger and Robin Thicke.”

That’s hot. That’s so so hot and cool. But is it true? Our experts say possibly not, with a Little Birdy saying that while some musicians are still showing up to get on stage, the overall celeb buzz has dried up drastically. This debate is far from over, but maybe that is true for The Box too.

I wonder who this Little Birdy is? I can list seven people who hit The Box either nightly or tri-weekly who would counter her claims, but whatever. As I wrote in my original post, on Saturday alone Drew Barrymore, Eve Mendes, Ashley Olsen, Josh Lukas, and Anthony Andersen were all in the building.

As someone pointed out, The Box has created a whole new level of hater. When was the last time one nightclub created so much press, most of it hate-filled? Bungalow 8 never had to deal with this. Maybe that’s because haters don’t hang in Chelsea like they do the LES? Who knows?

On top of all the blog/media hate, The Box is also facing a flyer campaign against it’s doorman “Gans,” as reported in NY Daily News yesterday. Supposedly, the guy eats his own feces and touches little boys. Haha…

All I can say is, go to The Box and tell me it sucks, that there are no celebs there, that you didn’t have the weirdest night of your life, etc. But haters can’t get in. Lacking access to the teat, the rejected hate on a level never seen before in nightlife…

TAGS: debate, Hipster, Music, Slam, The Box, war

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Page Six Magazine Gets Jason Blair-y at Box


Monday, April 21, 2008 - 10:39 am (EST)
By Ray LeMoine

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Left, she looks A-list to me. Right, Joshua David Stein. Note: Don’t send geeks who wear rugby jerzees and have cool spike haircuts to places they can’t get in or get interviews then expect true stories.

I don’t know if they have fact checkers at the NY Post’s Page Six Mag, but yesterday a story ran about The Box where the first sentence was a lie:

On a recent Monday, rounding past one in the morning, Simon Hammerstien sits at a booth at his nightclub The Box…

Whoops…The Box isn’t open on Sunday or Monday.

The story, which isn’t online, was written by ex-Gawker Joshua David Stein and is a hate-festivus that misses so much I’m about to get all Jack Shafer.

Let’s start with the story’s intro: “The Box has lost its A-list cachet.” Yet Sunday morning at 4am, just as the NY Post’s Sunday late edition was getting off the presses, I received a text from a person at The Box saying, “Ashley Olsen, Drew Barrymore, Eva Mendes, Josh Lukas are here…” I don’t know who Josh Lukas is, but the other three are A-list, no? And in the last month alone, Snoop Dog, Mos Def, and Raekwon have performed for free at The Box. No other place in NY could get those guys onstage for less than $5 g’s a piece.

Further in, Stein writes: “But barely into year two, bankers, models, and corporations are precisley what’s keeping the Box open.” Then Stein lists JP Morgan and JC Penny events being held there.

Some scoop, man. Oh wait, a year ago The Box was hosting these same corporate clients at a rate of $7-15k per during the early evening. And at night, despite what Hammerstein and co were saying, the crowd was a banker-model bonanza earning around $50,000 in table charges on Fridays-Saturdays.

Of owner Simon Hammerstein, Stein writes: “In 2004 he directed the off-Bway musical The Passion of Geroge W Bush. Yet he prefers the sexy, dirty, monied world that the thaeter didn’t offer.” Incorrect sir! When The Box opened, Hammerstein and co tried to offer a more topical show but fucked up people wanted sex and more sex. Originally they even planned to stage Jack Kerouac’s long lost play.

Stein adds that Hammerstien’s next door apt is where the after hours party occurs. There may be some truth to this, but it’s accepted that the Box itself is an all-morning-long party. I was there last weekend at 5am while Cee Lo and a hundred others ran wild.

More shoddy reporting: Stein claims from a “nightlife insider” source the show costs “20-30,000 per week” though the owners have been on record saying the cost is $60k. Google—try it, you can search for…information.

As for the death of The Box as an A-list destination, Stein’s main Box-insider quotes come from a former waiter. But a Box regular sent me this text yesterday: “despite the propaganda regulars include zz top, the schnabel kids, bono, mos def, kayne west, nas, countless socialites, sean avery, jeremy piven…” and on and on. ZZ Top and Sean Avery?

The story’s final quote is from Page Six reporter Corynne Steindler, which is like The New York Times’ Jeff Zeleny asking Maureen Dowd for an Obama quote: “Celebrity sightings have gone down and there’s been a change in the feeling of the crowd. It used to be young, gorgeous, and srty. It was a club for creative hipsters. Now anyone with money for a table can get in.”

But that’s wrong on almost every point. First, Page Six has printed more celeb Box mentions in April 2008 than this month last year (PS: Lohan was running wild in NYC this time last year). There has been a change in the crowd, yes. But if anything, the crowd is more arty and downtown now than last year, which I’ll explain below. Finally, anyone with money could always get into The Box.

Maybe Stein felt the need to hate because he was shut down by The Box owners. No one gave him interviews and his descriptions and scenes seem weak—how was he at a club on a night when they’re not open?—if not outright lies. Stein writes: “The Box’s PR flak threatened to splatter this reporter with base calumnies if he dared publish Richard [Kimmel, Box owner] and Raven O quotes.” Is someone feeling spiteful?

In truth, The Box is actually better now than a year ago. The owners have put together a more fluid show, one without boring filler acts. And the crowd is more downtown than a year ago. After Box-owner Cordell Lochin was locked up for drug trafficking, Serge Becker, another owner, hired Christian Alexander. Christian lives in the LES and is tied to downtown’s art, music, fashion, and media circles more than anyone who’s ever worked at the Box save Hammerstein. Lochin was known for his celeb-ties, whereas Christian is the guy celebs come to for a unique egalitarin NYC vibe. Now on any given night you’ll see a Supreme-type with a bartender from a local spot hanging with Ally Hilfiger and Robin Thicke.

It’s a shame that Page Six Mag would issue a bullshit takedown of the best nightclub in NYC (1Oak is cool and all, but it’s no Box), especially considering how many column inches nightlife provides P6. Stein is Jason Blair with a Judith Miller-esque agenda. Sure, nightlife reporting isn’t the Pentagon beat, but the NY Post shouldn’t be printing spite-filled stories with first sentence lies. Stein’s trying to destroy a great place to benefit his career after being denied access by the owners.
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Christian Alexander and Zoe Kravitz…

TAGS: dog, free, Hipster, Hipsters, kids, model, Music, New York, New York Times, obama, The Box

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Foreign Islands - tonight


Friday, February 15, 2008 - 10:27 pm (EST)
By John LaCroix

Tonight at 12 Galaxies in SF - Dub Trio, Hour Of Worship and Foreign Islands.

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(Ryan and Balto)

Foreign Islands is another former roommate of mine - Dean Baltolunis (producer and Boston hardcore veteran) and singer from the long-defunct legendary NYC hardcore band, Supertouch - Mark Ryan. The ‘touch was an incredible band that tipped hardcore upside down, bringing a whole new approach to the genre with melody, repetitive grooves and a stoner drawl. I saw them first in 1990 at The Channel playing with Gorilla Biscuits, Leeway and Maelstrom - a straight edge band, a metal band and a funk band respectively. At the time, it was the perfect meshing of the UK shoegazer music I always loved with the attitude and approach of a hardcore band that I could mosh to. The entire rush of weirdo-core bands to follow owe a lot to Supertouch, including the great Quicksand and Into Another. Their song “Searching For The Light” on 1988’s “New York Hardcore - The Way It Is” compilation and their only full length record released in 1990, “The Earth Is Flat” both realeased on Revelation Records proves it.

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(Supertouch in 1993 - by yours truly)

Foreign Islands’ sound is reminiscent of LCD Soundsystem with a lot more umph! The song “We Know You Know It” sounds like a mix between Turbonegro and Arctic Monkeys but the remix of the same song is ready to be a hipster club hit. Baltolunis is a maniac in (and out of) the studio and Ryan is a true visionary. Listen for yourself at their website.

TAGS: Boston, Gorilla Biscuits, Hipster, monkeys, Music, New York, Stoner

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Paid In Cigarettes & The Drugs DO Work


Thursday, February 14, 2008 - 9:08 pm (EST)
By Chase

(Ray proclaimed today “music day” - who am I to disagree?)

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(Hot Snakes, 11/04, Alex’s Bar - Long Beach, Photo: Chase Corum)

Rejoice fans of all things Rick Froberg & John Reis, the pair that brought you Pitchfork, Drive Like Jehu, and Hot Snakes have returned - although, unfortunately, separately. NYC-based Froberg is fronting Obits, who have East Coast dates in March, or you can DL their first show (at NYC’s Cake Shop) here.

Reis in the meantime has re-recruited Hot Snakes skinsm’n JSinclair to form Night Marchers whose debut comes out April 22nd on Vagrant. Ben Goetting did the cover art which can be viewed at Phazerblast. Night Marchers played their first set of shows this past weekend - here’s the first song of their first show:

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In all his ‘Chard worship, Ray failed to mention that the Verve will be playing California’s Coachella Festival this April. I avoid festivals - especially ones in the desert - at all costs, but the presence of Mr. Ashcroft & Co. may be the straw that breaks the camel’s back. You can search the web for a DL of “The Thaw Session”, the Verve’s first recorded output in 10 years, or watch this video version:

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Spiritualized are making a Coachella appearance as well, although you can avoid dusty heat and thousands of hipsters in white jeans & Ray Bans by checking out one of their “Acoustic Mainlines” shows which, when I attended in November, consisted of guitar and keys, along with 4 string instruments and 3 back-up singers. A different take on the Spiritualized experience (more smoke - less pills), but incredible nonetheless.

TAGS: Coachella, Drugs, Hipster, Hipsters, Music, The Verve, Video, youtube

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Searching for the Light: Fox’s Major-Indie Takes On Big Themes (adoption, suicide) But Fails to Transcend Comedy Genre


Wednesday, January 2, 2008 - 7:38 pm (EST)
By Ray LeMoine

My girlfriend always bitches that I never take her to the movies. Trying to be a better guy (a pre-New Years resolution), I agreed to go see Juno with her the other night. All I knew about Juno was a) it was about a teenage girl getting knocked up b) it wasn’t Knocked Up (which I didn’t see either) c) the film’s star Ellen Page got a Golden Globe best actress nomination and d) it was a Fox Searchlight feature, meaning it would be a dark comedy with a bad Indie soundtrack, a VW bus type car, and weird clothes. Fox Searchlight is a boutique studio churning out major-indies. Its most successful release, Little Miss Sunshine, about a whacky family on a road trip in a VW bus, grossed $100 million dollars. I knew Juno was Fox Searchlight’s new Sunshine.

But I did not know adoption was Juno’s central theme.  See, I was adopted, but before we get to that, let me outline the film. Fade in: voiceover of a hipster, Juno (Ellen Page, a smiley, petite 22-year-old brunette) talking about sexy-time. Scene 2: Acoustic Indie tune over an animated Juno walking around drinking Sunny D. Anime fade out: Turns out Juno fucked her best friend, Bleek (Michael Cera), and got pregnant. Then there’s a lot of teen slang-y talk—fitting, annoying. Juno goes to get an abortion but “freaks.” She decides to put the baby up for adoption. She drives around in a beat up minivan–Juno’s version of Sunshine’s VW bus. Juno chooses for her baby a young married couple living in a nice, new suburban home. The wife (Bennifer Garner) is a neurotic wannabe Ritalin mom. The husband (Jason Bateman—he’s great) is an ex-grunge rocker. Juno and adoptive Dad become chummy. Then the Dad tries to hook-up with Juno, telling her he’s leaving his wife. What’s Juno to do?

The fate of the baby is the film’s dramatic tension.

Let’s rewind to a true story set in North Anover, MA. 1978. A teenage girl, Nancy, gets pregnant from her best friend, Kevin. Both Catholics, Nancy decides to have baby (me), then place baby for adoption. Nancy calls a social worker to ask how to do so. Social worker says,  “Me and my husband are looking to adopt.” Nancy meets social worker, Dena, and her husband, Larry, at their nice, new suburban home. Dena is a neurotic wannabe Jewish mother. Larry is an ex-rock photographer and chemist. Nancy and Larry never become chummy, but the fate of this baby was nonetheless Fox Searchlight-approved journey to quirk’s septic end-zone. Here’s one life episode with tones of Little Miss Sunshine.

One of my friend’s in high school, Pete Garland, drove a green VW bus and was the lead singer of a Weezer cover band. This was 1996. Pete dated cute thrift store girls with names like Carolina. Pete hung out in the art room, and made-out in the dark room. Pete’s brother dressed in a black trench coat, but in a mysterious comic book style not Columbine evil. Pete lived on a wooded main road in Boxford, MA–the second richest town in Mass. Novelist Tim O’brien was a neighbor.

I remember Pete’s VW bus. After school we used to park it at the ice cream shop by the lake. (For real, our friend Fmatt worked at Benson’s Ice Cream before he was fired for employee theft.) We’d open the van’s sliding door and blast music while eating free sundaes. Pete obviously loved Weezer but also Promise Ring and other early 90s indie, emo, and hardcore. One time I made a flyer with him for a show his Weezer cover band was playing, some VFW shit. With Piebald and Cavein I think. Pete gave each band a new logo, some squiggly drawings, maybe a symbol, a robot on one wheel named Terrence. 

The last time I saw Pete was in Allston, at a house party in 2000. He was wearing an all white suit, drunk I think, and dancing. He said he’d taken up surfing. He and his new girl wrote surf rock tunes.

A few months later Pete killed himself in his garage by running his car, not the VW bus, but a new car, a grey sedan. His funeral had pictures of the van on the walls. People sang and cried. I loved Pete.

Fox Searchlight may be representing something in their cute, fun films, but realism is not one of them. In real life creative vibrant people are tormented by a society in which they’re required to hide their talents in order to be more employable.

Pete Garland was a talented musician and artist–ten yeas ahead of the mainstream. Pete was funny, smart, and literate, much like the Fox Searchlight characters.  (Unfortunately “quirky” had yet to enter the lexicon in 1994.) But unlike the Proust scholar (Steve Carell) in Sunshine, Pete succeeded in killing himself. Maybe I’m wrong, but in diluting their characters to sketches, Juno and Sunshine cheapen the lives of brilliant, tortured eccentrics like Pete Garland.

Don’t get me wrong; I enjoyed Juno, a lot. The acting, editing, dialogue—all were world class. Ellen Page surely deserves an Oscar nomination. Still, Juno only reaches the highest levels of a commercial film. Take this review of another 2007 film:

“With a story of and for our times, (IT) can certainly be viewed through the smeary window that looks onto the larger world. It’s timeless and topical, general and specific, abstract and as plain. But the film is above all a consummate work of art, one that transcends the historically fraught context of its making, and its pleasures are unapologetically aesthetic. It reveals, excites, disturbs, provokes, but the window it opens is to human consciousness itself.”

This review for There Will Be Blood illustrates what is needed for a film to transcend Hollywood’s profit-driven formula and become art. Juno, by opting for happy-ever-after ending, doesn’t offer much in the way of understanding the human condition. Juno, like Sunshine, hijacks real life—a life I relate to—turning it into whacky comedy. Real life doesn’t end with some whistling funky tune. Juno is fun but it is not art.

 

TAGS: drama, drunk, free, HBO, Hipster, Juno, Movie, Music, Review, Soundtrack, surf

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Today’s Reads


Wednesday, December 19, 2007 - 4:07 pm (EST)
By Ray LeMoine

1. Steve Kettmann on Steroids in NYT

Kettmann was Jose Canseco’s ghostwriter for the #1 best-seller “Juiced.” Below is a letter he published in full today in the Time’s Sports section.

A few years ago I met Kettmann at a bar in Manhattan to discuss a book project. He kept ordering these Belgian beers that–I had no clue–were 9% alcohol. Needless to say by round three we were both trashed. Kettmann was witty and knowledgeable. He got his start on as a beat writer in the Bay Area. In this letter, he talks about seeing Giambi balloon-up after meeting Mark McGuire. He told me this story, too, and added an anecdote about Giambi at a bar, saying to the beat writers, “At the plate you need to feel like the sexiest man on the planet.” Sexy!

Essentially the Mitchell Report vindicates Kettmann, who tried to break the steroid story as early as 2000. Kettmann’s main spoiler was Brian McNamee, who was lying, and ended up naming the most names to Mitchell. (PS Did anyone else cringe when Mitchell said ‘Like I learned in Northern Ireland…” comparing a baseball cheating scandal to a war?)

Whatever else its eventual impact, the Mitchell report last week immediately recasts the importance of the small library of books documenting — and in some cases, shaping — baseball’s steroid era.

In fact, given its timing and high profile, the report could well go down as almost the Rosetta stone of steroid literature, giving the general reader a key to unlocking a world of secrets previously off limits to most and to seeing in full Technicolor what had for many been restricted to black and white.

To take but one example, Roger Clemens has been added to the ranks of those linked to steroid use — despite his most recent denial Tuesday. This is hardly a surprise to those of us who have worked the steroid beat over the years.

In fact, as the ghostwriter for Jose Canseco’s tell-all memoir “Juiced,” I can now reveal that serious thought was given to including Canseco’s recollections of golf course conversations with Clemens about steroids. At the time, we decided to focus on players Canseco injected — since those revelations would carry the maximum impact.

But as with the Mitchell report, “Juiced” was always clear that it was naming only a small subset of the huge group of ballplayers who had turned into juicers. Even now, with so much evidence in, it seems incredible that so many could still be in denial about Clemens and many others.

Careful study of the books on steroids in baseball can disabuse anyone of the impulse to hew to conventional wisdom. The consensus seems to be that up until now the three most visible — and influential — books on the steroid era have been “Game of Shadows,” Mark Fainaru-Wada and Lance Williams’s distillation of their Balco reporting for The San Francisco Chronicle; “Juicing the Game,” Howard Bryant’s exhaustively reported walk-through of the era; and “Juiced.”

Each had its limitations read alone. The Balco book, for all its authoritative evidence, was only partly about baseball and, relying on leaked grand jury testimony, never presented the athletes’ juicing decisions in the wider context of their sports or their lives. The Bryant book, probably the smartest of the lot, was faultlessly careful in its conclusions and would benefit from an updated edition, given all that continues to unfold.

As for “Juiced,” it is true, as some critics charged upon its publication in early 2005, that it displays remarkably little interest in the game. Since Canseco confirmed in 2005 that I was the ghostwriter, I don’t mind revealing that Canseco had precious little patience in discussing baseball. Even the details of towering homers he had hit flat-out bored him.

Above all, the Mitchell report targets denial and ought to leave more than a few people embarrassed at having dismissed the evidence of widespread juicing.

The report even gives us a new exemplar for unbridled hypocrisy: the former Yankee strength and conditioning coach Brian McNamee, whose 2000 piece for The New York Times denied steroid use in baseball even as he was injecting Clemens with steroids that same season, according to the Mitchell report.

As a young beat reporter for The San Francisco Chronicle starting in 1994, I had been on friendly terms with Mark McGwire of the Oakland Athletics. I remember being startled the first time I talked to him at any length. He wheeled around from his locker with a smile and encouraged me to try MET-Rx, which he said would help me put on muscle, adding, “I don’t know if you work out, but …”

A couple of years later, I was covering the team when Jason Giambi became buddies with McGwire and almost swelled before our eyes. But like most baseball writers, I never found a way to get a word into print alerting the general fan to what was taking place behind the scenes.

It felt like too little too late in 2000 when I submitted a piece to The Times, which it published in Aug. 20, 2000, headlined, “Baseball Must Come Clean on Its Darkest Secret.”

“It won’t be easy, but baseball has to find a way to crack down on steroids, which more and more big leaguers appear to be using every year and which could threaten to turn the game into a freak show,” the article began, continuing with the assertion that, “Mark McGwire has used steroids. This is now clear to any person who looks at the facts about androstenedione, the testosterone-booster McGwire was taking two seasons ago when he broke Roger Maris’s single-season home run record. It’s a steroid. That’s what most scientists say — and what the government will most likely say sometime soon.”

The most fascinating reply was the article-length response published in The Times six weeks later, by McNamee, headlined, “Don’t Be So Quick to Prejudge All That Power.”

“Kettmann alleges steroid use,” McNamee wrote. “He marks today’s players as cheaters, and not the role models we want them to be. I beg to differ. Players today are so much smarter when it comes to their bodies: how they work them, and what they put in them.

“Kettmann’s article insults the players, the teams’ medical staffs and the teams’ organizations.”

It was jarring, then, to read in the Mitchell report that: “According to McNamee, during the middle of the 2000 season Clemens made it clear that he was ready to use steroids again. During the latter part of the regular season, McNamee injected Clemens in the buttocks four to six times.”

John Hoberman, a University of Texas expert on steroids who was cited at length in “Juicing the Game,” mentioned that 2000 Times article in his book, “Testosterone Dreams,” and now describes the McNamee rejoinder as “rank hypocrisy.”

“It is one more sign of the pervasive dishonesty that pervades doping subcultures,” Hoberman said this week in an e-mail message.

The Mitchell report adds to the case that Canseco was a unique figure in introducing other players to steroids — and that his assertions in “Juiced” were on target.

Looking back on how this story has unfolded over the last 10 years, it becomes clear how easy it is for those with a vested interest in obfuscation to cast doubt on the credibility of just about anyone.

Steve Kettmann

Berlin

2. Charles Crain on Basra:”The U.S. seems prepared to let various political and militant factions fight it out for control of the city.”

Crain, 29, showed up in Baghdad by taxi in 2004. He’s pretty much been there since–first as a freelancer and now with Time. He know the story as well as anyone on earth, and his reports are always sober and detailed. Crain’s a mellow mid-Westerner with an odd flair for torrid love-affairs in a Forrest Gump “How Did I Get Here?” fashion. He’s not dumb like Gump, though. Just has dumb luck.

As Crain winds down his umpteenth Iraq rotation, and while I await his triumphant return to downtown New York’s bowels, let’s look at his take on the British hand-off. Crain says an increase in violence is not imminent, as the Brits have been hands off for months:

the British were bystanders to a turf war that involved militias loyal to the Supreme Islamic Iraqi Council (SIIC), followers of the cleric Moqtada al Sadr, and the smaller Fadhila party.

Unfortunately:

The Americans have no military presence in these provinces and no influence with local militias or politicians. There is no chance that they could cultivate the kinds of grassroots alliances that sparked the stunning turnaround in the U.S. fight against Sunni jihadists. Since the Americans have no leverage in these conflicts, they also have no incentive to pick sides. So the Basra handover is an opportunity for the U.S. to wash its hands of a “mess” for which it has no solution. “This one is on the Iraqis” the American official said of Basra. “It’s not up to us to fix this one.”

Well, Mr US Official, Basra controls the oil, and if the militias shut down oil production (ala Sadr’s 2004 uprising)–potentially affecting the global economy–it will be your problem indeed!

3. Vanity Fair, DCHC, Art Deaths
This summer a strange double suicide rocked the downtown art world. Two multimedia artists, Jeremy Blake and Theresa Duncan, both off-ed themselves within a week of one another. The story is whacked-out beyond belief, and Nancy Jo Sales’ VF story is a must read. (David Amsden wrote similar, less in-depth piece for New York Magazine.)

Beck, Scientology, conspiracy-theorist priests, the Beatrice Inn, Amy Sacco, Rockstar Games, Dick Cheney, Malcom McLaren, Bowery Hotel–Blake and Duncan were a mix of art world cool and Behold A Pale Horse paranoia. But what most fascinated me was the couples’ DC hardcore origins…

Jeremy Blake and Theresa Duncan first met in 1994. They were both part of the activist, “positive force” punk-rock scene in Washington (think Fugazi, Bikini Kill). He hung around with the band Nation of Ulysses, believed in punk as a philosophy. It was a macho, hipster scene. The women tended to stay in the background, dressed frumpy. Theresa called them “the hausfraus 2000.” She went to parties wearing sequined hot pants. Her boyfriend was Mitch Parker, former bassist of Government Issue. They had a song called “Asshole.” Sometimes she would take out her compact and apply lipstick when someone was boring her.

DC hardcore has influenced hundreds of thousands people. But has anyone from that scene ever been involved with something this crazy? After Duncan killed herself on a pill-booze cocktail:

A group was instantly organized to keep watch over Blake round the clock: Mike Fellows, Ian Svenonius, Guy Picciotto…

Members of Rites of Spring and the Make-up?

The story’s a tragic ride from DC to New York to Hollywood and back.

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