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Boston Dirt Dogs Diss Yanks Suck Shirts


Friday, July 25, 2008 - 5:27 pm (EST)
By Ray LeMoine

Really, Boston Dirt Dogs? You’re still going after “Yankees Suck” chants and tees?

Here’s some backstory. I started making the above shirts in 99. Around 02 or 03 a bunch of middle age weird semi-jocks wearing Oakley Blades and headphones started lurking around Fenway with Boston Dirt Dogs signs and t-shirts. They were trying to “Bring positivity to Boston’s fans,” one of the Dirt Dogs told me. Normally, someone treading on YS shirt turf would get handed a beatdown, but no one—and I mean no one—bought their shirts. (We had someone tail them and count shirts sold; tally: 0.) So they started a website, The Boston Globe bought in, and now they make $$$ on advertising. 

Today they post “Tis is the Season to Remind You That You’ll Look Like a Tool If You Wear Those Shirts and Chant That Low Rent Chant.” Actually, every Boston fan thinks the Yankees suck. And those 50,000-plus shirts sold were to fans of all ages, from all walks of life. Dirt Dogs, you’re just haters. Get over the fact that you never sold any shirts. You wanted to channel “positive” fan energy in a cynical city that takes baseball more seriously than life itself. If you think Derek Jeter doesn’t suck, you’re not a Red Sox fan. And your eight examples of the Yankees not sucking suck too. Curt Shilling? Bill Burt? Kevin Cullen? Where’s Sully McMurphy’s or Joey from West Roxbury’s opinion? 

Beckett vs Joba tonight at Fenway, 7pm. And Joba sucks.

TAGS: Boston, dog, Jeter, jocks, Red Sox, t-shirts, Yankees, Yankees Suck

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ASG NYC


Wednesday, July 16, 2008 - 4:05 pm (EST)
By Ray LeMoine


Papelbon takes it easy. JD Drew, ASG MVP, hits 7th inning homer.

Best All Star Week Ever? ASG in Review

On Monday night I sat in Yankee Stadium’s right field lower deck, two rows back from the foul pole, just barely in fair territory. Great seats for a Home Run Derby. And a perfect vantage for watching Josh Hamilton’s dingers fly during his record breaking first round. By home run number 12, all 55,000 Bronx fans chanted “Hamilton, Hamilton!” Corny as it sounds, the chills were a-goose-bumpin. When he railed like 13 straight with 7 outs, most to the upper deck or deep into the bleachers, my awe-factor reached boner status. Ending with a dead center shot, Hamilton’s 28 homers broke Bobby Abreu’s record of 24 and earned him a long standing ovation and place in Yankee lore (barf).

It was my fourth or fifth time at the Toilet this year. On previous visits, as much as I tried to get nostalgic for The House That a Bad Trade Built, it never hit me—until Hamilton. Seeing an entire stadium—the biggest in the majors—packed with baseball nuts on their feet cheering for some guy who spent his early 20s smoking crack was beautiful. I’m hardly a mystical, metaphoric baseball fan (it’s just a game), but I love communal energy focused on pure athletic power and talent.

This was my second Derby. Back in 99, I was at the Home Run Derby in Boston. Then, Mark McGuire hit 13 homers in the first round, a record, some of which flew above the old Green Monster Coke bottles to heights still unmatched in Fenway history. Like Hamilton, McGuire lost the Derby (to Ken Griffey Jr). Like Hamilton, McGuire’s performance legitimized the Derby, making it more than just a dunk contest or some dumb spectacle. When a guy like an Ortiz or Abreu goes on a Derby tear, it becomes a once-in-a-lifetime oppurtunity to see the hardest feat in sports at the highest level.

Yesterday I went up the All Star parade on 6th Ave in Midtown. Arriving late, and finding it sparsely attended, I missed A Rod and Jeter, but caught JD Drew and Captain Tek sitting together in the back of a Chevy truck (official MLB sponsor). The fifty people on the corner of 57th barely booed, but boo they did. Mo Rivera drove by wearing the worst brown-on-brown biz casual/Latin yuppie outfit.

Then Josh Hamilton came by and was given the best non-Yankee response. Doing his best Tom Brady, Hamilton, in a white shirt tucked into chinos, was all humble smiles. The “Josh” chants, overwhelming cheers, and so many happy onlookers (”That’s him!” screamed a girl in a sundress to another, who responded, “The cokehead who hit all those home runs last night! He’s hot!”) made me realize this guy’s about to score some big time endorsement deals. You don’t come to New York and steal the spotlight without Madison Ave noticing. Look for a Hamilton NIKE deal by week’s end.

When the most hated man in NYC, Jon Papelbon, rolled by in a grey suit and tie, he flicked off the crowd with a World Series ring. (Love it.) Boos and “faggot” chants came in response. Pap’s comments the day prior to reporters, saying him not Mo Rivera should close the ASG, were plastered with a “Papelbum” headline on the back of the day’s Daily News. He later blamed the News for blowing up a non-story, “My wife was really upset. We got threats, everything. I wish I hadn’t taken her.”

I don’t know why, but before every All Star Game people always say, “I only care about the first two innings. These game’s usually suck.” Except they don’t. And last night was maybe the greatest ASG ever. 15 innings. 7 Red Sox. 4 Yankees. 34 strikeouts. 3-3 tie for seven innings. An amazing 11th inning . JD Drew hit a 7th inning game tieing two-run shot and the whole Stadium cheered—for a Red Sox! Obviously, The Rivalry was the true star (Jeter-A Rod/Pedroia-Youk starting infield, the Papelbon-Mo closer beef, Terry managing at the Stadium) even if ESPN and the Steinbrenners want you to believe the Stadium was.

On ESPN Derek Jeter said New York has the “Most intelligent fans in all of sports. They pay attention to detail here.” Incorrect. Boston has more knowledgeable fans. I’ve been to The Stadium enough to know that Yankee fans don’t pay attention to nearly as much Sox fans do. In Boston, the Red Sox are all people have. New Yorkers actually have lives outside baseball.

I’m not too familiar with New York Mag’s new sportswriter, Will Leitch, but he totally misses the beauty of last night’s game by focusing on the scene at the Stadium:

It is a unique quality of baseball that an event can hold such magnitude that the best tickets are running nearly $10,000 … and then, just four hours later, those same people are leaving before they know who wins. Yankee Stadium looked pretty last night, but it wasn’t an epic sendoff of the old bird. In fact, people couldn’t wait to leave. Considering the sorry lot of the Yankees this year, it’s more than likely this will be the stadium’s last night in the national spotlight. Fox’s last shot? The box seats, nearly empty. “This time it counts.” Obviously, no, it doesn’t.

First off, the assholes paying $10k for tickets are just that—assholes. All Star Games aren’t filled with average baseball fans. They draw show-offs and rich guys trying to impress chicks, especially in the expensive seats.

But really, all the baseball fans I know (mostly AL East maniacs) were texting about this game right up until 2am. No one said, “Please end this.” Rather, I read “Best game,” “Holy shit,” “Am I rooting for or against Mo here,” etc. Some fans I know even went out to celebrate post-game. That’s right folks, an impromptu party for an All Star Game AL win was held at a downtown sleaze den.

To the players and real fans, last night’s game counted. If you think Terry Francona, whose team is in first place, doesn’t want home field advantage for the World Series, you’re high. The game features all the best players in the league, and no one wants to get showed up, especially the young guys from small market teams making a national appearances for the first time—in New York of all places! There were thirty f–king four strikeouts against the best hitters in baseball! These guys weren’t playing an exhibition game (certainly had no meatball tossing like to Cal Ripken back in 01). These guys were playing to win, playing like it counted, because it did.

And finally, what of A Rod, the most amazing human ever? The guy didn’t do much at the game, but he did throw a funny, weird sounding party at 40/40

Instead, his mommy, Lourdes, and his new best friends, Guy Oseary and Ingrid Casares, were by his side in a corner booth as he threw back shots. And Casares was then spotted leaving A-Rod’s Park Avenue pad yesterday afternoon.

Reps from Berk Communications, who’d slapped Madonna’s name on their tip sheet for the event, kept insisting she was on her way, but she never showed. Instead, A-Rod was entertained by big-busted hotties who shimmied to Material Girl tunes and desperately tried to make eye contact with him.

Overall, the ASG NYC energized the city and made me happy to live in a baseball-mad town even if I hate both teams that play here. The Derby was record breaking. The gossip and shit talking unprecedented. And the game was the best ever. Now, bring on the second half!

TAGS: A-Rod, All Star Game, Boston, Crack, ESPN, Home Run Derby, Jeter, Josh Hamilton, Madonna, New York, NPR, Red Sox, Review, Sports, The Box, Trade, Yankees

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“She’s my f–king soul mate, dude.”


Wednesday, July 9, 2008 - 3:24 pm (EST)
By Ray LeMoine

An Appreciation of A Rod (No Homo) 

A Rod is the best worst guy ever, and I was always pretty sure he was gay. (What straight 30-yr-old man do you know who likes Madonna, would invite Jeter for sleepovers, sunbathes in just jean short shortz in the Ramble, or has frosted tips?) But ever since US Weekly broke the Madg-Rod story, a parade of strippers, strip clubs, swinger clubs, and one night stands have come to light. A Rod sounds like a world class scode. Now I have my doubts. Is A Rod really hetero?

Meanwhile, dude is hitting 320 with 18 jacks and 50 RBI despite missing like a month of the season. Or, he’s gonna win MVP—again. All while in the middle of the biggest sports-tabloid divorce ever. 

As a Red Sox fan, I’m predisposed to hate A Rod. But since Yankee fans have never really taken to him and he’s never really beat the Sox, I secretly enjoy watching him play. Last year I caught a dozen games during his legendary first half when every other at bat he hit a homer. I hate to say it, but it was f–king awesome. Bad haircut and all, the guy is the best I’ve ever seen besides Bonds*. 

US Weekly just released more reportage:

“He kept smiling, acting as if he was a little kid,” the dinner companion tells Us Weekly in its latest issue, on newsstands now. “He told me it was Madonna,” A-Rod’s friend says. “I was shocked.” The highest-paid player in baseball then “proceeded to say he was in love with her,” the pal tells Us. “I thought he was kidding, but he wasn’t.” By February, the 32-year-old slugger had upped the ante. “He said, ‘She’s my f–king soul mate, dude.’”

TAGS: A-Rod, Divorce, Jeter, Madonna, missing, Red Sox, Sports, strippers

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Yankess Suck: A-Rod Loses Wife to Lenny Kravitz (HAHA), Giambi Grows Hitler Stache


Thursday, July 3, 2008 - 11:57 am (EST)
By Ray LeMoine

Tonight begins a four game set between the Yanks and Sox at The Toilet. I’m excited, even if the Rays are still somehow the best team in baseball at 3.5 games up. Still, it’s wonderful that the Yanks, despite being irrelevant in third place, can still inspire so much hate. Giambi’s mustache is the latest idiotic Yankee device of scorn. And A-Rod, you lost your wife to Lenny Kravitz? He’s the black Robert Goulet. Lame!

Go Sox!

 

TAGS: A-Rod, Giambi, Jeter, Lenny Kravitz, Yankees Suck

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Great American Heroes Vol 2: Potheads Who Hit Game Winning Dingers in 9th Inning


Tuesday, April 15, 2008 - 8:48 am (EST)
By Ray LeMoine

499w1.jpg200_manny_ramirez_flag.jpg
Left, enjoying last night’s game winning blast. Right, Manny became a US citizen in 2004 and celebrated by running around with this mini-Old Glory.

Last night Manny Ramirez hit a game winner against his former team, the Cleveland Indians, echoing a walk-off from last year’s the ALCS. Few in Boston ever questioned Manny’s greatness. But assholes like Tim McCarver and Michael Kay always say racist shit like, “I just don’t see how you can respect a player who doesn’t hustle.” Easy: you watch him hit home runs, drive in decisive RBIs, take pitches that no other hitter would, and occasionally make solid plays in left. You love his purple ties and doo rags and dreads and the Styles P songs he plays when walking up to the plate.

Is there another player in baseball soaked in as much glory as Manny Ramirez? He’s been a thread in almost every great baseball drama of the 21st century. Derek Jeter’s been in a 7 year World Series drought.
Amanda Benjamin of the Boston Globe caught up with Manny after last night’s win:


How to explain this?
Ramírez not quite sure on HR details

…standing in the clubhouse at Progressive Field, Ramírez gave reporters short quips before heading out into the freezing Cleveland night. They were beams into his incredible hitting mind. But not too much. Never too much.

He had just hit a home run. Not just any home run, but a two-run shot that scored the pinch running Jacoby Ellsbury, who came in for David Ortiz after Ramírez’s partner in crime had blooped a single into left field. It was Ramírez’s second career homer off Joe Borowski, in just three at-bats against the Cleveland closer, and it pushed the Red Sox to a 6-4 win.

“We never give up, man,” Ramírez said. “We just play hard all the way.”

Not that Ramírez knew, exactly, what he hit out of the park.

“Like a fastball,” he explained. “It was something like 80. Or a change. It was right there.”

And then it was gone. The ball traveled 417 feet before it settled into the left-field stands. It put the Red Sox up by that 6-4 score, and it simply added to Ramírez’s legacy at the former Jacobs Field. It was his 132d homer in his former home park, his 16th against the Indians. Not to mention that it tied him for 24th all-time with 493 home runs, placing his name next to those of Lou Gehrig and Fred McGriff.

For those not fully convinced of Ramírez’s offseason commitment to working out in Arizona, here are the facts: In his first 14 games of 2007, Ramirez, who has not hit more than .300 in March and April since 2004, was hitting .200. He had eight RBIs. Through his first 14 games of 2008, Ramirez is hitting .309 with 14 RBIs.

And he authored the Red Sox’ first come-from-behind win since Brandon Moss was a member of the team (Game 1, Tokyo), though he wasn’t putting too much stock in the ninth-inning rally. To him, it was another win.

“It’s fun every day,” Ramírez said. “Even when you don’t come back. We love this job, we love to compete. That’s why you play the game.”

TAGS: Boston, drama, free, India, Jeter, Manny Ramirez, Red Sox, Sports, Travel

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The Future


Wednesday, February 13, 2008 - 9:16 pm (EST)
By Ray LeMoine

Remember me Yankee fans? I’m Clayton Buckholz. Born in 84, Luberton High Class of 02′, and I already threw a no-no. I think Joba’s a big pussy and laughed my ass off when bugs ate him out of the Playoffs. I got a ring and didn’t even play in WS because the Red Sox didn’t need me. This is me doing long toss at Spring Training. Jeter, you are a bitch.

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TAGS: Jeter, Red Sox

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Introducing: Social Puke


Thursday, December 20, 2007 - 7:29 pm (EST)
By Ray LeMoine

Social Puke is a gossip diary compiled our team of undercover New York agents. These were provided by Agent 69, code name Dorsal F. What will you find here? Real-life celeb gossip scoops, party news, fashion, and advice. NOTE: We at Social Puke will try to remain objective and not make fun of people. There’s enough net negativity out there. (But we do hate Derek Jeter.)

You saw who? Was he/her fat?
Jeter, Upstairs
Sunday, 12/16, Manhattan–Derek Jeter spotted at Christian Alexander’s party at Soho club Upstairs (Spring and Bowery). Had cop-haircut and was hitting on an Indian-looking girl. Left at 2:30am.

Paris Hilton in South Beach
Friday, 12/6, Miami–Paris arrived to Purple Magazine’s Art Basel party at 3am with Scott Campbell from Saved Tattoo of Brooklyn. DJ Paul Sevingy played Blur’s “Song 1.” During the woo-hoo Paris moshed on a couch.

Slash: Photo Shoot
Thursday, 12/13, LA–Slash getting his picture taken for a tattoo magazine, with Drew Adams of New York.

The wisdom of Snowblack…
“Look at her, she beautiful: She half Swedish, half Indian–I’m killing two birds with one dick”

“Let them bitches leave man! They only here because of us–sit down. Let em leave, there’s plenty more in here. Fuck them midget bitches”

“Have a mojito on a Monday.”

After ignoring a girl hitting on him: “Oh, that happens all day long. No thanks, don’t need your pussy.”

Miami Fashion Vagina Centric
Miami girls don’t wear pants anymore. Any fabric below the labia is passé. I learned this from two local women over cocktails at a South Beach hotel, while waiting for their drug dealer. Both wore spandex shorts that covered half their ass cheeks, but one complained, “I should’ve just worn underwear.” As is, she wore white shirt that barely covered her spandex. It was past midnight on Friday, day three of Art Basel, North America’s largest contemporary art fair. Another girl arrived a black cocktail dress that “barely covers cooch,” she snorted with a giggle. When one more friend showed up wearing jeans, she bitched, “Damn it, why did I wear so much?” The drugs showed up around 1am: two eight balls, twenty E pills, a half-ounce of pot, and two vials of Special K–a lot of contraband for less than ten people.

TAGS: Brooklyn, Drugs, India, Jeter, Manhattan, New York, paris, Paris Hilton

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